All we want are the facts, ma’am: Horticulture crime drama, episode 2

Plant Code 2447B: “Subjecting Plants to Embarrassment”:

Think about it. What if all the other bougainvilleas on the block looked like plants, and you had to look like an Apollo space capsule.

Detective Billy Goodnick is on the case, and pruning crimes are his specialty.

Ok, we northerners will have to swap out the bougainvilleas (jealous!) for some shrub that actually grows here, but the spirit of the crime against horticulture is the same.

Lookout you “people perpetrating pointlessly pitiful pruning on peaceful plants”, the plant police are coming for you and your pruning shears. In my dreams.

I prefer my bushes natural, thanks

Screen Shot 2014-04-24 at 5.12.18 PMA botanical graffiti artist continues to shock the grey-haired set at the riverfront park in Windsor, Ontario. Honestly, when I saw what he did to that shrub my first thought was “bravo”. Up with the revolution! Go natural! Shaving Trimming Shearing shrub balls is the real vandalism here.

The City of Windsor’s executive director of parks and facilities, John Miceli, said:

Well, it’s unfortunate that they don’t use their talents with our Adopt a Park program. We could really use their skills, because they’re very, very good, whoever’s doing it, at being able to, uh, shape things.

Read on: Windsor’s phallus-obsessed bushwacker strikes again: Guerrilla gardener writes ‘penis’ with shrubs